I have not written on here in a long time.   I had to re-read the last few entries to see where I was with things.

So a few people have asked me about Kelli.   Occasionally, questions about her make themselves known, especially when I have not seen someone for a long time, and the last time I DID see them, all I talked about was her.
Not that anything is supposed to be ‘happening’ or ‘going anywhere’, but I guess that is pretty much the current summary of it all.
In 2 days, it’s almost 4 yrs to the day since Kelli and I started talking to each other online.  Back when she was in Michigan.
Kelli seems to be doing okay in her life.   She tells me that she is still in Richmond, Virginia and that she is doing okay.   She is working at an ice-cream kiosk.  She is still living with her dad and step mum.   She just quit ONE of her jobs at the hotel, because she was not happy, and she is due to start the replacement job at a sports store anytime soon.
Sometimes she is in daily contact on on Facebook, but occasionally she will ‘go off again’ for a while.
I guess in that respect, we have not really moved on at all.
She has been doing that for 4 yrs.
She says that she has to be happy with her in her own life before we can come together.   We have touched on what happened whilst she was out in Oklahoma, and she says that she will never be able to apologise enough.
There as been a little tear or 2, but I know that I dont hurt anymore.  I miss the feelings I have.
It hard to be in love with someone, when they are not around.   All I have is a memory of what love felt like, and I feel lucky enought to have even felt that.  After so many years of feeling nothing for no-one.
I wonder sometimes if Kelli and I hadn’t met at the end of 2007, whether we would have even met at all   Would she have ever met me?
I wonder if I had not met Kelli, would I have met someone else?
There is a lot of reflection going on in my life.   And its hard sometimes to see everything so clearly.
I was SOOOO convinced when I started writing this blog that Kelli and I would quickly get together.  And its not like I have not tried.
That was 2 and a half yrs ago. Since we were last together.
We’ve not had a phone call in 16th months.
I’ve not seen a new picture of her in a year.

So now?

As she told me……”don’t put all your hopes on me terry” on MSN recently, because she is trying to get her life together.
So I have to move on.   I figure if anything becomes of this, I can figure it all out again then, but right now, nothing seems to be happening, and I cannot make anything happen.   Certainly not on my own.
This whole thing has drained me. - May 2010


We started talking Facebook.  She got back in contact.  She has endured a lot of shit as well as I have.   I have moved on, but I have forgiven her.  She still goes awol for periods.  The difference now is I no longer care that she does.
She ended up staying with Kyle for many years before FINALLY getting rid of him.  I no longer care if she is telling the truth or not.  Work wise, she is doing well.  She has just gone back to Oklahoma because her mum is sick.
I've not met anyone since Kelli or any significance.

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