Some times its easy to forget.
With all the stuff that has happened and felt over the past 3 and a bit years, it is easy to forget the little things.
Especially when I have been caught up in my emotions, and trying to give a little structure to something I can barely understand.
But I was just looking through my old Myspace account (anyone remember that drop in the ocean Myspace?) and looking through my myspace emails as I was looking for an address.
Myspace…….ha, back in the day!!
Any way, I just stumbled across Kelli’s deleted myspace account, but it still has all of her messages that she has sent me in my inbox. I got this for my birthday about 15 months ago. Made me smile that she had made the effort with this.
There is a man across the sea
He is always trying to get to me
There will be a time
Of celebration and wine
Getting together and making things right
With bad things behind us and out of sight
He’ll play his guitar some
Singing songs with a little hum
Until death do us part
You will always have my heart
Making me a proud and happy wife
I will always love having you in my life
Happy Birthday I love you
*my god… could i be any cheesier*
I like to think that I am pretty good at poetry. I have been freelancing my poetry for a few years now, so I like to think I am good. (others may beg to differ). But I really like that she did this. Made me smile. The playfulness and fun in this, is pure and sincere.
So where are we now?
So if there is anymore to it, it will be as new to you as it is to me.
After the hectic and emotional summer, and all of the heated emails, things are simple at the moment. Kelli has been in regular contact since July. Since opening up and saying what I felt, rather than what I thought she wanted to hear, I have let all my feelings that were bottled up out. I am no longer angry or frustrated with her. If I hear from her, AWESOME. If I dont, oh well.
I have invested so much energy and emotion trying to have a degree of control on a situation that floats in the wind.
The truth of the matter is this. I prayed to meet Kelli long before I ever met her, maybe even years before. I have never been as happy with another woman as I have with Kelli. The 12 days I spent with her, surpass everyone else in a heartbeat. All of them together. Having feelings gives meaning and perspective to everything before and after meeting her. It is not a ‘traditional’ relationship, but I think maybe part of me likes the fact it is not conventional.
As it stands at the moment, every time I get an email from her, I am grateful I am still in her heart. More importantly, I am really happy for her that she is happy and she has meaning in her life. Things SEEM to be going well for her. I guess I am almost proud of her. She may have dug her own hole and wallowed in it a bit, but she also said that she was not putting up with that shit, and she is getting/ has gotten herself out of it. Some people do not.
Sure, I’d love to see her again. I’d love us to webcam again. I’d love to talk on the phone.
Right now, I am just glad she is happy.